i cant love anyone

i dont feel like i can like anyone, i sold my body at a young age now that im a adult i just feel so out of touch with anyone not just in friend's but with everyone i cant keep a single friendship nor even try a talking stage the worst part is i want i have friends i want to try having a love life i just cant, im too childish and i end up pushing them away i dont know what ima going to do with myself i prayed, begged for someone to just apper in my life and just stay but even then would i be able to keep them in my life or will i push them away everything ends someday i hate that but i cant change that theres nothing i can do im just going to be lonly my whole life